Real Housewives of Silicon Valley

Live-tweeting Start-Ups: Silicon Valley was not the best idea I’ve ever had. Mostly because the only sane reaction is W.T.F., but tweeting that over and over isn’t that satisfying.

Start-ups Silcon Valley

I have never worked with anyone who even remotely resembles any of these people.

And seriously, with all the intensity and drama that comes from putting everything you have into an idea, the best they could come up with for plot was a drunken toga party in the Marina? (Which, not to be nit-picky, IS NOT IN SILICON VALLEY.) To be fair, the plot also included telling us that this one girl spend 2 hours a day on her makeup and lives at the Four Seasons, and also some other people had jobs which involved computers, so there’s that.

I counted exactly two scenes that had any bearing on reality. The first was Dwight’s filthy Mountain View apartment, which simultaneously made me slightly nostalgic for my own filthy Mountain View apartment and profoundly grateful that I’m now too old to get invited to parties at filthy Mountain View apartments. (I don’t even want to think about sitting down on that futon.) The second was @davemcclure‘s righteous smackdown of the siblings Way’s pitch. While I have not been privileged to be rejected by Mr. McClure personally, experiencing painful rejection and failure is an important part of one’s personal growth. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

And I hope it’s what Ben and Hermione start telling themselves. I mean, they have to know that apps for tracking your weight loss and health exist, right? So what exactly are they offering again? I have no idea, but now I know that you should definitely wear Tetris tights and not a suit to a VC pitch meeting! Thanks, Hermione!

I get that this this site, this brand, and in fact Sarah herself are not targeted at me. But still, there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for having a giant “under construction” graphic in the middle of your site like this! What is this, 1997?

Under construction

Also, instead of keeping a make-up artist on retainer, maybe spend some money on a good front-end designer, because that is one ugly website right there.

The problem with Ampush is that it’s boring. I will say they make their Ikea tables look very nice. Hey, that just gave me a great idea for a startup! I bet you could get GREAT deals on slighty used Ikea furniture by stalking failing startups, and then resell them to startup employees living in filthy Mountain View apartments. Hang on, let me go tweet Dave McClure real quick.

Oh right. So he probably doesn’t have time for my bottom-feeding cheap home furnishings startup idea. Fine.

Just watching that party gave me hives. I would rather re-attend my junior high school homecoming dance and awkwardly try to dance to Sweet Child of Mine than attend that party.

I certainly love working here in Silicon Valley! We do things quite differently in Silicon Valley! You may think that you should wear a suit to impress a potential investor in Silicon Valley but since I have lived in Silicon Valley I can tell you that in Silicon Valley we like to go to Silicon Valley investor meetings dressed like a sexy game of Tetris.

You know your show is bad when your audience is wishing that you’d go check out the company meeting going on in the next conference room instead of watching Hermione taking a fake nap under a table. Pan back Bravo, I think they were just going to talk about the Q4 marketing goals!

Oh look who stopped by to visit – it’s the Voice of Sanity! Welcome to the show!

I wish Dave McClure would show up every episode to point and laugh… but he’s probably busy, you know, working.

Ah yes, working in SILICON VALLEY. Better get ready for my oxygen facial and blowout before heading into work tomorrow! Toodles!

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